"duurtlang" (duurtlang)
06/30/2019 at 02:42 • Filed to: oppomeet 2019, oppomeet, europpomeet, Mallorca
3
6|
"duurtlang" (duurtlang)
06/30/2019 at 02:42 • Filed to: oppomeet 2019, oppomeet, europpomeet, Mallorca | 3
| 6 |
With the Oppomeet on Mallorca (a Spanish island) mere days away, It is time to introduce our fighters. When our fighters are known, it is time to speculate about their upcoming rental steeds.
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Our fighters
Our six fighters are introduced below.
The Captain
The Captain, better known as !!!error: Indecipherable SUB-paragraph formatting!!! (which is almost German for ship ), likes motorboating. The bigger the ship, the more excited he gets. Lincoln Mark many, Opel Senator, Renault Safrane, Audi S8, BMW E39, and many more. He has sailed them all. Although he started out in the east of Germany, all his boat anchors are currently located on the British isles.
The Captain with his Senator, stranded on a mountain.
Weaknesses:
Sometimes gets stranded when diesel is mistaken for gasoline.
Running aground on a mountain, due to a lack of (contained) coolant.
Strengths:
Can summon a large fleet.
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The American
Every European adventure needs an American. !!!error: Indecipherable SUB-paragraph formatting!!! , sometimes shortened to GM as he is American, is the American in this adventure. He not only likes GM and Porsche vehicles, he also likes Hondas. This fits the melting pot heritage of his native lands.
Weaknesses:
He has no weaknesses, he is The American
Strengths:
Knows his way around airplanes. And sheep. And taking FWD Audis offroad.
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The Ice Cream Man
The Ice Cream Man, sometimes know as a !!!error: Indecipherable SUB-paragraph formatting!!! , is a man of many qualities. He uses an MR2 to wade through deep water, rustles Jimnies in a Suzuki Ji.. Ignis but more importantly uses an Mazda MX-5 swapped ice cream van to scare English and maybe even Welsh kids.
There it is, hiding on the right. The ice cream van.
Weaknesses:
Has the !!!error: Indecipherable SUB-paragraph formatting!!! with rental cars
Strengths:
Is experienced in dealing with shitty rentals.
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The Stranger
The Stranger is unknown to Oppositelock, but some know him by the name of ‘Fritz’. He comes from the fairy tail land of Luxembourg, which has a population of roughly 1. He combines the ownership of a heavily modified Rover SD1 with a Nissan GTR (R35). He was once caught looking for used Suzuki Swifts after having taken his GTR on its maiden voyage. One can only speculate what a Luxembourger wants to use a Suzuki for after having driven a GTR, but it can only mean death and destruction.
Finding information about The Stranger remains difficult.
Weaknesses:
Unknown
Strengths:
Out of this group, the stranger is clearly the one who will look best in a pink Nissan Micra.
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The Teacher
Nothing is unknown to The Teacher. Known to many as !!!error: Indecipherable SUB-paragraph formatting!!! , he is the only wagon driver of the bunch. In the distant past he double crossed the Soviets, shortly before their demise. Now he lives on Hitler’s favorite ‘Kraft durch Freude’ (KdF) holiday island. It’s easy to see there is more to The Teacher than what meets the eye.
A heavy party in the back. Has he been smuggling?
Weaknesses:
Not a fan of the KdF wagen
Can only be dispatched in selected weeks of the year
Strengths:
Will make a great duo with The Stranger when combined in a Nissan Micra.
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Your author
I am not going to disclose any information here, but speculation is welcome. With some kinja-fu the backstory becomes obvious. Or simply make up your own in the comments below.
The challenge
Please speculate on the following:
Who will come out ahead, and why?
Which rentals do our fighters DESERVE ?
Which rentals are the fighters likely to get ?
Anything else that requires speculation. Like will Brexit happen when we are on Mallorca? Show we grow mustaches for Movember?
Disclaimer: all rentals are booked individually. As far as we know everyone booked in an ‘or similar’ category.
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Spanfeller is a twat
> duurtlang
10/27/2019 at 13:22 |
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I’m starting to believe that Brexit won’t happen in our lifetimes.
even in 2100, when a Le Pen descendent controls France and pushes it out of the EU, Britain will continue to be in the process of Brexit.
on the other hand, have fun in Mallorca! You’ll find yourself speaking more German than Spanish!
Chinny Raccoon
> duurtlang
10/27/2019 at 13:44 |
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Anything more than 70HP would be very surprising.
Also, haven’t all the ADAC bookers got the same car booked?
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duurtlang
> Chinny Raccoon
10/27/2019 at 14:00 |
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I'm not sure how many adac bookers there are. 'Klaus' and I, anyone else?
MultiplaOrgasms
> duurtlang
10/27/2019 at 14:40 |
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If rental companies were handing out Opel Kapitäns, my answer would be obvious.
But they don’t.
Which means my vote goes to The Captain anyway . If only to see him suffer with the worst shitbox known to modern man. A Smart Forfour.
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Chinny Raccoon
> duurtlang
10/27/2019 at 16:20 |
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I thought
the Captain was in on it too.
BvdV - The Dutch Engineer
> duurtlang
10/27/2019 at 17:09 |
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You wanted a backstory? You get a backstory:
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The Tall Guy, mainly found behind the wheel of Peugeots in BMW town, also known as duurtlang. Recently jumped ship to the arch frenemy of his home country of the Netherlands, but does live near Oktoberfest now, so that’s something. He has a curious love for cars with a lion on them, especially those with a ‘Strong Number’. Can sometimes be found driving 200kph in a turboswapped hatchback with the roof chopped off, doing full lock smokey braking, or jumping a borrowed BX diesel.
Weaknesses:
(Nearly) Too tall to fit in old German basements
Strenghts:
Can jump a BX, so will hoon whatever car he gets
You obviously deserve a car with a lion badge: so a 108! But you will probably get a TwinAir 500, which turns a lot of fuel into much noise, and not much movement...
The Stranger and Klaus Schmol both in pastel coloured 500s would be a fun sight too!
Have fun!